FBC Missions

I am a woman of action. From age 5, I’m pretty sure I had my whole life planned out. It doesn’t matter that my life has panned out a little differently than I originally planned (I kind of gave up the whole paleontologist thing), but the point is this: I am a control freak. And, it’s chronic. Needless to say I have continued on my control freakish path and even today am learning about letting go, COMPLETELY.

The problems here are huge. Most of the AIDS relief money that comes from other countries is lost in a tangled barbed wire mess of governmental officials and agencies. Little, if any, gets to the people. Thousands of children are left at the dump or on the side of the street with nowhere to go and no one to help them. And, even the children with a parent often live in worse conditions than the orphans. So, me being who I am, I have thought tireless about a plan that would help. But, have been left with this question time and time again: Can I really solve this problem?

I’ve struggled with my desire for control for a long time. But, here in Mozambique, no amount of planning will help the situation. I am not saying that it is helpless here, but just like the problems in the US, they run deep. The Lord has really spoken to me these last few days. I am just one person. But, I have the very essence of my God living in me (1 Cor. 2) and His joy, His strength, His love, His peace, His mercy, His grace and His goodness is enough! As just one person I can still reach the world…one person at a time through a loaf of bread, through a hug, through rocking a baby to sleep (something the orphaned babies rarely get), through holding a hand, through a kind smile and a greeting (a kiss on both cheeks here in Maputo). AIDS is a huge problem, poverty physically hurts my heart, I want to adopt all of the children, but I can’t do it all. How blessed I am to have the Holy Spirit in me…to help me discern where to serve and who to serve and to pour the very essence of Our Savior on those I meet.

And, this lesson is something I can carry with my in the States. Not by my strength, alone. The truth of the matter is, I can serve God most when I am just still before Him. As I lay down all of my inhibitions, my insecurities, my questions, my fears and my plans, I am able to revel in Him and His beauty. I can’t plan a solution to poverty, but I can be still and know that God is God, even if I don’t understand Him. And in that very moment, I feel peace. A peace that transcends understanding and a peace that I hope transpires from my being to those I see on the street, in the orphanages, at my house and at the store. God has control. Why is that so hard to grasp sometimes? Why do I continually re-grasp the reins?

I am learning this week to relinquish my plans, and I have made A TON. I find peace knowing that my God already has control and will direct when He thinks I am ready. Until then, He has said, “Be Still and Know that I Am God.” Be still.

p.s. Because it is unsafe to take cameras out into the city and the orphanages don’t like people taking pictures of the children, we have a limited selection of photos from our day to day lives and it takes a long time to upload…so sorry for the lack of photos…We’ll have plenty to show when we get home!

It’s funny how God can use any situation, any activity to teach us about Him… about what’s important in life. Today Brooke, Rachel, and I ventured out with our new friend Suzanne from Ireland to a government-run orphanage in the center of town to help out for the afternoon. We held babies, fed toddlers, played games, gave hugs and just did alot of loving and talking in an unintelligible language to grown-ups but quite understandable to babies. They were dirty, most of them smelling like shi-shi or co-co (I’ll let you guess what that means). They were sick- I thought many of the babies looked like newborns but found out that many of them were 8 months old to a few years. Lots of the toddlers even had trouble sitting up on their own. But they were all still beautiful and looked up at us with big eyes asking us to love on them.

It was very interesting observing the children for awhile. I saw those that were fussy; at the drop of a hat they were upset and started wailing. Some would calm down right away when we went to them and others just kept on crying. But all of them needed and responded to our love and attention. I held one baby for about half an hour and I was amazed at how content he was. He would smile up at me and look around and then just lay back down. Somehow God used that little baby to teach me about being content. He showed me today that He cradles us all in His arms and never lets us go. That despite ever-changing circumstances He is constant and he invited me today, to be content with that.

I don’t know if I’m up to a mammoth, recap post but I will try and apprise you of the main happenings since I last posted.

The main developments have been that I have started teaching English to four Egyptian boys and I have begun my conversational Arabic course.

Three of the boys are around my age, so they’re not really boys. They are all studying English in university but are eager for more learning and extra practice. It is a good opportunity for me to see if teaching is what I want to do in the future, and foreign language learning specifically. I’m challenged by the labor-intensive preparation it takes for each class as well as their myriad questions about everything concerning pronunciation to idioms and expressions. Furthermore, they are at different levels of proficiency and I am struggling to meet all their needs simultaneously. As a high achieving student myself, I have often felt the stinging lack of a challenge, a lack of a teacher committed to serving my needs and settling for a more utilitarian approach. So the classes are a work in progress, but it is a joy to serve young men who are eager to learn. Ibrahim is a little younger, only sixteen, but has tremendous potential to make substantial progress.

My own language classes are an interesting endeavor as well. Three days a week for two hours I am learning conversational Arabic, enough to get me through daily life here. Today was my first class. There is quite a mix of nationalities represented there, even with only seven students. We have a girl from Gabon, a woman from Spain, a woman from Scotland, one from England, one from Switzerland, and one man from the States like myself. Today we covered basic greetings, questions, and numbers. By the time the two hours were over my brain hurt from trying to concentrate on unfamiliar sounds and what is to me, backwards writing. But I am excited and encouraged by the prospect of being able to communicate more fully with my environment.

On the way back to the house, I predictably got lost. I had tried to memorize the twists and turns of the route there as Rocio took me to show me the way. But I made a wrong turn. Luckily, I spotted some familiar landmarks and made my way home with no trouble.

Today is also the Fourth of July. We celebrated with blueberry cheesecake and some sparklers. Last Saturday was the embassy sponsored picnic so we went there and enjoyed hamburgers, hot dogs, all the coca-cola products you could drink, etc. So I’ve had my dose of Americana even here in Egypt.

I am also still feeling my way with regards to teamwork particularly concerning the work with the Sudanese children. Encountering language barriers and cross cultural communication to a degree that I have never felt before leaves me feeling vulnerable. Issues that I thought we had resolved days ago keep reappearing. I find myself taking on more and more work, with a very American viewpoint towards innovation and striving for perfection.

I need to remind myself that God uses all people at varying skill levels and especially through their weaknesses. Furthermore, I cannot simply take over a project. It is crucial that all the members of a team feel ownership of a project that requires their full attention and participation and as a visitor I cannot afford to be the interfering interloper dictating what is right and what is wrong. But I find myself on shaky ground balancing what I think is offering my helpful input and expertise and dealing with a team in the midst of transition. The nature of the game requires flexibility and a willingness to make mistakes and learn from them. So we shall see. We are trying to incorporate more crafts and games into the classes, not just the basic rote memorization of the alphabet and words. But it does require additional time and energy which isn’t easy when some of us are battling the heat, the weakness of our bodies, homesickness, and spiritual warfare. Also, as this is a pilot program we are attempting to compile materials as a basis for further instruction. In any exercise, I think it is important that if, for whatever reason, suddenly the team disintegrates or is replaced that new people can step in and easily see what had gone on before and be able to take it from there. With a program mostly operating by feel and taking it a week at a time, my business sense clamors to take over and compile a manual or some kind of record of what we did and how we did it, not to mention our resources. So that is yet another task before me.

And I’ve caught a bug. Waking up for several days in a row with a scratchy throat, a raspy cough, and congestion isn’t ideal. But I wouldn’t give up my fan and air conditioning for anything, for it helps me sleep. I am, instead, trying to take care of my body and get well as soon as possible.

Sometimes I wonder how the hours of the day pass so quickly. But somehow they do in the midst of living daily life from cooking to cleaning to doing laundry to serving the people through language learning, craft preparing, and loving. At the end of the day there is nothing else but the thought that even in this harsh environment we are not alone and we do not have to rely upon our own strength to see us through.

And with that I think I will stop. So much for not writing a mammoth post.

Today give thanks for the many freedoms we enjoy as Americans.  

After what seems like months of packing, chaos and travelling here I am…in Maputo. For the past week I have been scouring the countryside of Ireland looking for a long lost relative’s grave, residing in castles (and a hostel), listening to live Irish music and even watching Irish men and women dance away the Irish way, in unison. I spent one day alone in Dublin before continuing my travels southward. I arrived on Friday, finally, and spent two days adjusting and getting ready for Ashley’s arrival on Monday.

It has not been easy. I have missed home each day and my heart aches for what I’ve left behind. But, my heart is content with where I am, too. I am becoming increasingly aware that this is what God has for me…this is where I am supposed to be.

From the beginning I promised to be honest and an open book. You, my supporters, deserve to know what it is I am experiencing and my thoughts behind it. The following is a journal entry from last night (7/3/06) that I hope will give you an insight into our time here and my heart:

“I was touched this evening with a thought — a look into Your sovereignty. Twenty years ago, You knew that I would be here with two girls who grew up living completely different lives from me…and, we would have 2 things in common: You and Africa. It is encouraging to be here knowing that I am living completely within Your will and ultimate plan for my life.

“We talked with Jim and Corinne Thorp for quite awhile tonight about poverty, AIDS and orphans in Mozambique. Already, just through our conversation, my heart was tugged at. The problems here are so big and so deep. How can I, one person, even begin to make a difference? And, how can we as a society begin to help a nation so troubled? Jim said most people don’t even care about possibly getting AIDS…sex is worth it or they just don’t comprehend. It is so sad and how do you reach out to help? Right now it is so something I want to help with in the future, but I feel like I’m on the edge of the problem — not fully understanding it myself, not fully seeing it, not knowing the people well enough (or the language well enough) to ask or understand. Give me patience, Lord, as I seek to know You more and Your heart for the Mozambican people. And, reveal, in Your time, Your will and purpose for my life after this trip…what I should do with what I receive.”

Love,

Brooke

P.S. Our mailing address for letters/cards only is: (correction!!) CP 1822 (NOT 1882), Maputo, Mozambique 0100

Please don’t send ANY packages!

….three weeks, 6 countries, and countless awesome experiences later I find myself here in Maputo surrounded by my new flat mates Brooke and Rachel (a girl from Indiana that has been living here for the past year working with the Thorps and starting a sports ministry), settling into my new home for the next two months and trying to answer the question fala Portugues? Do I speak Portuguese, asks Telma, our fourth flat mate and also Rachel’s Portuguese teacher. That is just one of the many questions and challenges that surfaces in front of me. “Not quite yet”, I tell her in spanish, “but I’m going to try”.
Over the past three weeks I have spent long nights in airports, rushed through metro stations hoping to catch the right train, explored the beautiful cities of Paris and Barcelona, tried to speak spanish when the language is really catalan, met new friends along the way, stepped foot onto African soil for the first time, been stared at by laughing faces and waving hands of children calling me “Muzungu, muzungu”, which really means white person, white person. I have traversed the central market in Bujumbura where you can find anything and everything and for a good price if you’re willing to barter, played in the surf of the massive Lake Tanganika and spent candlelit nights (due to the lack of power) around the dinner table sharing stories and laughs with new friends and old in Burundi. In my mind that was all just preparation, that now the real adventure begins. But it’s a lot to leave behind and to once again adjust to a new place, people and culture. I find myself at a standstill, not knowing what to do or how to start up again….

It is encouraging however, to remember that God has a plan; he has a reason for sending me here. His power; He can and will help me where I cannot do things on my own, his strength is sufficient in my weakness. And His omniscience; He knows all. He knows all the unknowns that I’m feeling and encountering and He will help me through them. So don’t worry… voy a aprender Portugues : )

All my love,

Ashley